I don't know about you all, but I am thoroughly exhausted. A fifteen week class is almost too much on the old brain, isn't it? But we push on . . .
I suppose that's what I am asking you to do. Push. Through safe writing and perfect grammar for something more, something new. (Look, a sentence fragment.)
Some of you seemed to struggle today, and I may have lost one or two of you after grades were logged. That saddens me. The most valuable A I ever earned was with Jon Bolton after believing it would be that horrifying B (after all, that is what he put on my paper). And the best B I ever earned was with someone much more dangerous and looming--and I learned more in that class than any other. But, I suppose, that will come in time and retrospect when your "real lives" become your daily lives, or when you have to give a student you are just flat crazy about anything less than a 100.
I've mentioned before: what if this were the last class I ever taught? What would I give to it? What would I risk? Which makes me wonder: what if this were the last class you ever took? Are you sure you would just want it to slide by?
I remember one of my professors telling me to not be so invested, so close-chested, to my work as to not see its potential to be even better. So, instead of waxing philosophical in this Monday blog, let me ask you:
Can you?
Push harder?
Write harder?
Be better?
Or do we all sincerely believe that we are "good enough?"
Where do you see yourself backing down from the battle of writing?
And if this is all just a bit too academic, let me insert something more poetic.
I had a student back in 2004, let's call her Susan. Susan asked questions that others would have balked at, backed away from, and ignored. Susan revised and revised and revised and bled all over her page, never missed a class, peer-reviewed with a vengeance, and read her assignments with a voracity that bordered on hunger. I remember that she was tall, blue-eyed, and wore a lot of hats.
On her last paper, I gave Susan an A. She asked me how it could get better. Stayed after class and picked my brain and talked about how words were magic and how she wished she could spend every day eating them, crafting them, and making them spin in the air.
Susan had only three weeks left to live. The brain tumor was taking that spark out of her eyes with every breath she shared with me, yet, she went down fighting with a kind of courage that I have only seen in old men. And she never backed down. I went to her funeral, stood in the sweltering heat in Mississippi and listened to poetry she had written as a child--something about peanut butter. Hugged her mother and cried all the way home in an old beat-up Chevy Nova, all I could afford as an English teacher and the best car I ever had the honor of sobbing in.
And I became a better writer. It was the least I could do. I had time left. Time.
But wait. I'm not asking this kind of sacrifice of you, it's not even on the syllabus. I am asking for more push. I see those sparks, that love for words, and I wonder--
How far are you willing to go, Advanced Comp? How "advanced" would you like to be? Have you, at the end of the day, given it all you had?
And lastly, a quote:
"I'm not ever going to feel that way again. You don't get that twice."
Investigator:
"Most don't get it once." Mystic River
I’m not completely sure everyone has the ability to relay true emotion as enchanting and beautifully entrancing as what has been scribed above and other transcripts I've seen by my peers in this class and throughout my time. I really do not believe everyone is capable of showing true feelings through the mighty pen. I never once think that these individuals who hold up these great walls in front of their dispositions, do not feel. Because I know they feel. I know they have been scared, happy, sad, envious, or lustful. They may have even felt love and utter excitement maybe even rage or hate. They may have felt bitterly alone, possibly even suicidal.
ReplyDeleteHowever, they may not be able to share how they feel, they maybe never share anything. In my mind I think that’s how you end up being a fat, smelly, pasty, hoarder -- and nobody wants that to be their future. Not a single person enrolled in a college (on their own will not their parents) is there to end up having a TLC show about how you can’t throw away a box of floppy disks. Because you believe one day the computer industry will drop developing more efficient ways of saving data, and bring F-ing floppy disks back into use. I mean come on.
Anyways, these people who cannot express themselves through writing may find other means. Maybe they sing, dance, cook, garden, or paint. Most I think drink their faces off as a form of expression, which can be pretty awesome. But, seriously guys how much longer are you going to throw away (or throw back) hundreds of dollars at the bar just to end up spending the next few days trying to put your life back together. Are you going to follow my lead and wake up in a pool of your own blood in some dark alley in London, without clothes, money, phone, or any recollection of how you came to be there. Maybe you’ll end up like my friend who drank so much he drove off a cliff two days after he got home from a fifteen month tour to Iraq. I am by no means against having a few happy elixirs after a stressful day or week. If it wasn’t for the wine selection at World Market and Earth Fare i’d probably be on some type of recreational pill diet.
I’m just saying if you cannot express yourself through writing, use all of that emotion I know you have inside of you and parlay it into something beneficial. Don’t transform it into a bachelors in beer pong or phD in flip cup, or whatever the hell new games that have been conceived by the competitive and ingenious teen drinker. Most of all don’t hold that emotion in. Don’t whatever you do don’t end up like my other friend who hung himself in his parents back yard because he couldn’t express himself. According to his tear stained letter, he explained how he felt abandoned and unloved. Don’t let the first article of personal translation you leave for history to comprehend be your last.
I do strongly believe some people may not be able to express themselves as artistically as others. Also, I do feel just because you don’t express yourself in writing it doesn't mean you don’t define yourself in other means. But, in relation to pushing yourself do you ever think you will be able to get through hell and back if you can’t sit in the comfort of your home and write how you feel about something. Really people are you scared of what others will think? F everyone else. The most valuable people in your life will be able to write exactly how you feel about something, with your same tone, and with your same smart ass, sweet, stubborn, or brutally honest voice behind it. So bear down get pissed or passionate about something and type till your fingers bleed. Now go back and read it, that’s you, that’s how you feel, that’s who you are. Be proud, share it with a friend, share it with everyone (unless its venereal). However, if you just realized that who you really are is a sadist jew hater, well you might want to backspace and keep that to yourself, possibly even seek help.
Over the years, my writing has remained static. Sure, I know all the technical tricks and grammatical rules, but that's all I needed to know to do well on the standardized tests. Hell, I scored a 36 in the English section of the ACT. But does that test measure wit, or sarcasm? Does it mean I know how to inject personality and bring my voice to life in a piece of writing? Fuck no.
ReplyDeleteIn my defense, my high school English teachers were less than stellar. Ninth and tenth grade are a blur. Eleventh grade was the ultimate birdy course as my teacher retired at the end of the year and thus didn't care about assigning us any actual work. By the time I got through twelfth grade, AP Literature & Composition, I thought I would never struggle with a paper again. But here I am, four years after graduation, fighting my way through Freshman Composition due to a series of miscommunications regarding required coursework.
If these past 15 weeks have taught me anything, it's that I don't know anything about having a voice. I can chew up information and spit out a well-researched, five paragraph essay, but I can't make it interesting. This class is pushing me in ways I've never been pushed, asking me to write in ways I didn't know I could write. I'm experimenting with formatting, footnotes, and sarcasm. I'm including parenthesis, dashes, and – gasp – even a little foul language. I’m pushing myself to find my own niche way of expressing my thoughts, and it hasn’t been easy. In all honesty, there were moments where I wanted to rip out my eyeballs and eat them to avoid looking at my bland paper one more time.
But I keep going.
I keep trying.
I’m pushing myself to be better, to have a stronger voice, to find my niche and share my voice. Am I getting better? Am I finding that voice? I certainly hope so. I have no problem expressing myself in person. I’m confident and opinionated and outspoken. The hard part is transcribing my personality and letting it seep into my papers. I don’t believe I’ll ever be the best writer I can be. There’s always room to grow, room to improve. But I keep going.
I keep trying.
THANK YOU J.Dallon.B.
ReplyDeleteYou actually gave me something to think about and encouraged me to write. I have a hard time expressing my feelings through writing because I don’t feel a passion or spark. I wish I could write with as much feeling and emotion as most of this class can so easily do. I’m afraid of what others will think of my writing because I have never been a good writer. So I play it safe, the only time I write is when it’s assigned and even then I do the minimum because I know it’s not great. I may have pushed myself to improve and spent more time writing, but I haven’t pushed myself to feel. Writing with passion essentially terrifies me because I have never done it before. In all my years of English, I’ve never been pushed to use my emotion. It has always been about structure and perfect grammar.
Like many others, I like to party and drink and have a good time because its easier to express myself. But I do have goals in life; I know where I am headed. English just isn’t my thing, I like science and math because I can be brief, there’s no writing or emotion involved. But having passion isn’t just important in writing, its important in life. I am passionate about the sports I play, my friends, my family. I just don’t know how to express that passion, I enjoy it, but keep it to myself. College has taught me that I need to branch out more and push myself to make new friends and show people who I really am on the inside not just what they see.
Writing hasn’t always been hard for me. In elementary school I wrote stories and read hundreds of books. But as a child I also felt alone. I lived through the characters I created and read and dreamed of what my life could be like if I had true friends. As I have grown, I have matured and now know how to talk to people. I also have a group of truly amazing friends that I love and can trust. With an improved social life, I must have lost the desire to read and write. Life got in the way of something I truly enjoyed. And once I got to middle school and high school teachers didn’t encourage passion in my writing.
So now I am here, a freshman in college, ready to look deeper into my soul and learn about myself and how I interact with others. My writing is not perfect, and it may never be, but I will push myself. This class isn’t just teaching me to write, it is teaching me how to feel.
So I am very frustrated right now. I was so excited to do this next blog, but then when it came time to do it I have a million different ideas and inspirations running through my mind, waiting to burst out and scream to the world, “This is what I’m thinking, please listen to me!”. Too bad all of those ideas pretty much suck right now. Even though I started and trashed countless documents for this blog, I had one song on my mind the entire time. So, it’s a little off-topic but I’m going to say what the hell and write about this song and exactly how it makes me feel. Yeah.
ReplyDelete(I suggest you watch this and don’t just listen, its pretty magical.)
http://youtu.be/6VAkOhXIsI0
Have you ever found a song that speaks to you, and the lyrics just seem to perfectly match what’s happening in your life at the moment? Well, this song does it for me. I’ve been scoffed at for saying that this song described me because, “it doesn’t even have lyrics.” But you know what, lyrics are a beautiful ornate wax seal on an envelope that contains some of the most sacred secrets the world has known. But sometimes, things don’t need to be sealed shut and kept safe, but left out in the open for everyone to know and enjoy! Lyrics are a wonderful addition to the full package, but sometimes better left unsaid.
When I listen to this song I just want to lie in the grass somewhere with my eyes closed but following the dancing colors behind my eyelids caused by the sunlight on my face. Chills crawl over my sunbaked skin as my breathing matches itself to the changing rhythms directed by John Butler’s long callused fingers. I forget about the bothersome wrinkles I might encounter one day, and I let my eyes close tighter and my brow furrow with the inflections and intricate picking styles that drip from every second of this song. I bathe in the emotion you can see on his face and soak up every ounce of rebellion it embodies. This song has no rules, follows no guidelines, but is simply a piece of art in itself. John Butler is the Pollock of guitar by reigning in a chaotic mass of notes and styles but harmonizing it into a single work.
This song is the soundtrack to my wildest dreams. It enkindles in me a fire and yearning for the road and the possibilities it holds for me. There is commonality between all of my favorite books I’ve noticed: a desire to drop all worldly possessions to simply hit the road and Experience…with a capital E, (These books include John Krakaour’s Into the Wild, Three Cups of Tea, Under the Overpass, and one documentary that I feel should be included, The Human Experience.) I have this empty pit somewhere between my breasts and my collarbone that aches for a type of fulfillment that I am sure will only come from seeing the world and absorbing every culture imaginable. And one day I will do that and I will write a book about my travels and the great and beautiful disaster we call the world. And through all of my years and travels, this song will push me forward and keep inspiring me to fill that fit in my chest and inspire others to do the same.
Everyone has a sense of laziness and procrastination in them, but is that the real reason why we don’t do our best all the time? Maybe we become too tired to finish writing our paper, or we procrastinate so much that we bullshit our way through the whole paper. Yes, I am guilty of both of these things. Probably more times than I should, I have been lazy and procrastinated. These traits affect not only our writing but also all our school work. In the past 13 weeks we have been in school I have learned more about writing than I was ever taught in my earlier years. Maybe it’s the teachers or maybe it’s just me. Never have I had a teacher who has inspired me to write. It is more like “pick a topic, get sources, and write 6 pages on it.” I don’t know about you, but that never gave me any motivation to write, it never gave me the push I needed to just sit down and start writing. Maybe now that I have a teacher who understands that writing research papers is not the best way to become a true writer, then I can start to push harder. I can push harder to let the writer in me come out even if it takes a while. Before this year, I had never heard of putting personality into my paper. I remember hearing that and saying to myself “How am I ever going to make my personality come out on a piece of paper?” The first paper was very challenging to do this, but as we wrote more and more I began to understand, I began to try harder to make my personality show.
ReplyDeleteDoing these blogs really is the best way to bring out the true writer in everyone. On here we’re allowed to say what we want, curse, and we won’t be penalized for it. We don’t have to stress and worry about all those things that make us hate writing in the first place, like “Is this a fragment?” or “Is the A worthy?” We are able to push harder and get our true feelings out rather then be forced to write something. We are able to express our true feelings and our true selves. To me that is very important in writing to be able to express yourself. Not every author writes the same. They have their own voice and unique way of writing. This class has taught me that: not just that everyone has their own voice, but how to bring out your own voice in your writing. I know I am not the best writer, and I probably never will be because it is just not my talent, but I will still try to strive to write better. I wont just procrastinate or be lazy; I will actually do my hardest to bring my voice and personality into everything I write.
Is it possible to try too hard? That’s how I feel sometimes when I write. Because, until recently, I only wrote what I knew others would read and there’s that hesitation. You know exactly what to say, but for fear of offending or judgment we hold back. Writing reveals who we really are. We want to impress. into pompous, know-it-all asses. But it can’t be helped. It’s practically hammered into us that we have to write a certain way because of that damned standardization.
ReplyDeleteMy junior year of high school, I stupidly (not a big kid word, I know) elected to take AP English and Composition. I thought, “Hey, I like English. This will be great.” I was both right and wrong. My teacher loved her job. She treated us like adults for the first time. But it was hard. God it was hard. We wrote nearly every day and peer reviewed on the days we didn’t. She didn’t want five paragraph essays with fluffy writing. She wanted us to write what we felt and what we meant. She wanted to hear voice in our papers.
Voice. How can you put voice in a paper? I had no idea what she meant.
But, I began to try new things. Cool punctuation and syntax that was nothing like I’d ever even thought of attempting before. I learned to write what I wanted to say. Like I was talking to someone, you know, intelligently.
But the old fears crept in. Is this me good enough? Am I smart enough? Or am I coming across as an ass? I had all of these ideas with no where to put them. Then, I realized, I wasn’t alone. We all have these fears. These deep, unrelenting desires to be enough in someone else’s eyes. You just have to decide to go for it. If you fail? Okay. Try something new.
Just push it. That’s what the envelope’s there for.
What exactly is pushing harder? It varies for every individual. Physically, everybody has a limit. Even the strongest man in the world has a limit. It is the same with writing. But that is NO excuse not to try harder...because...most of us have not found that limit. We have only begun to discover it in this class. We have been trapped inside a prison of five paragraph essays with no personality and we had no clue how to get out. We did not even know where the key was! Now we have found that key. The key is personality. With this key, we have been able to venture outside the prison cell into a freedom we never knew. We thought the prison cell was it. We thought the prison cell WAS the limit. Was our limit. But it is not.
ReplyDeleteWith this freedom and answer to my writing problems, I have been able to go far beyond what I ever thought I could write. This is pushing harder for me. All it took was to find the key. Personality in my writings is what is advancing them. Can I still push harder? Of course. There is always room to push harder until I find that limit...which I know is VERY far away. In high school, my teacher did talk about some forms of personality and how you could incorporate them into a paper-the biggest one was the dash. Voice was mentioned but the paper was more about quoting correctly, correct citations, correct editing (I never liked editng), and sticking to the prompt. The major focus was having everything look perfect. Perfection in many ways blotted out the personality in my paper.
Personality has come alive from the dead. With the help of CAPTILIZATION, italics, dashes, footnotes, pictures, ethos, pathos, and logos among others, my papers have started to flourish. Pushing harder is not necessarily about being extremely creative in your writings with long metaphors drawing everyone in with the first word. That could be one form. But for most of us...NO!! It is simply about knowing what to do. Knowing HOW to be creative. And knowing HOW to be creative has started a spark for many of us that our writings will not ever be the same.
No more five paragraph essays having no personality. It is time to be real! Now that we have the key out...no teacher can ever lock us back up.
Most everyone has the intentions to excel in every aspect of their life. No sane person wants to become the lazy bum on the street who is a good-for-nothing slob. The only reason we don’t push to achieve is the belief we could never accomplish. Why else would we slack off? If glory and victory were easily achieved then everyone would strive to be a part of it. The reason why we don’t push is that we think it’s too hard, so we settle for the mediocre and apply our efforts somewhere else. This deficiency in our human nature blinds us to our true potential.
ReplyDeleteThis too applies in writing. Getting an A is not an easy task (especially for me, and especially in this class). I can do a boring, grammar perfected, five paragraph research essay no problem. It’s finding my voice and a little personality that’s so damn hard for me. I really have to push for it. It takes time, extreme amounts of effort. I will spend hours trying to perfect every little sentence. But maybe that’s my problem. I push too hard to find the perfectly flowing sentence when really I need to push to find my individuality.
To be the writer we want to be, we cannot settle for the ordinary, we must strive relentlessly for the exceptional. If we want it, we can get it. We are capable of much more than we’ve been taught in school. This class has showed me that. We can’t push for the perfect A; we’ll never truly achieve anything that way. We have to push ourselves to find our own voice. That’s when true success will come.
Thanks to everyone who has commented on this because it's made me think of what to say. Throughout high school I just cruised on by (especially with English). It's never ever been my strong point. Writing papers to me was the absolute worst punishment. Having structured sentences, perfect grammar and citations guaranteed an A paper, nothing more nothing less. I've never expressed how I've felt in words. I've never been able to express myself on paper. Putting how I feel on paper. I was always worried I would be judged or looked at funny. I didn't want to be "that girl with all the problems." So I played it safe (like goose12 has said). I never looked outside the box or pushed myself to my limits. I just looked for the easiest way to finish the paper. Sports is my passion and expression. I can't explain the number of hours I've put into it. All the hours at the park, the hours upon hours at lessons learning how to correct even the smallest thing to get better. The hours of watching film to improve everyday to get better then the best. That's me pushing. I've pushed myself to limits I never thought I could achieve. I've pushed myself to reach goals that seemed impossible at times. Through the heat, the cold, the tears, the fights with my dad, the drama with teammates, the lack of sleep, all that I pushed to achieve where I am too. Now why can't I do this in my writing? Why is it so easy for me to push myself to the unthinkable with sports but I can't even push myself to feel? I feel everyday. I feel sad sometimes or uncontrollable happy where I want everyone to know. Through this class I have learned how to feel in writing and how to just be myself and let go. Thanks Dr. P, you will probably be one of the only teachers that will teach me something that I will appreciate forever. :)
ReplyDelete"Push it, push it, to the limit, limit, cause were in it to win it."
ReplyDeleteWhy yes, I did just quote a High School Musical song, judge me. :)
I feel as if life is one big push. We push ourselves to succeed in school, sports; we even push ourselves through hard times. Hell, we had to push ourselves just to get high school over with (or at least that's how I felt).
If i've realized anything, it's that pushing ourselves is exhausting. Why can't life just be a breeze? I feel like I don't have two seconds to think let alone breathe anymore. I'm by no means suggesting we stop pushing ourselves, that would just make life boring. But, maybe we could slow down a little bit; take time to really enjoy everything before we let all the good things pass us by or we don't have time left to do the amazing things in life. It's just like Dr. P's story about Susan--she had time taken away from her.
Her story reminded me of my friend Josiah. I can't get that day out of my head. It was the second week of my junior year of high school. He had SO much life ahead of him, he was leaving for college later that week. But that day, we heard the shocking news that he had gotten in a car accident and was in a coma with no clue as to when, or if, he would come out of it. Unfortunately, the plug was pulled on Josiah's 19th birthday. I have never cried so hard at a funeral as I did at his. His father is the preacher at the church where the funeral was held. Before the service was over, Mr. Berger gave a short message. He reminisced on how Siah would never want any of us to stop our lives for him; how we had to push through this, together, as a community. I carry that funeral program in my car always; Siah is my guardian angel wherever I go. He was full of life and could push through anything, regardless of the task at hand. I learned a valuable lesson that day.
Having the proper balance of push and enjoyment in life is what it is all about. While we need to always strive to do our best, make sure you don't lose sight of the truly important things.
*In Memory of Josiah Berger--I miss and love you forever, sweet Angel*
Pushing is important. Or I guess being pushed is important. But what happens when whatever is pushing us simply ceases to exist? What happens when we no longer feel driven to do even the most basic activities?
ReplyDeleteFor me, it was never lack of ability. I've always been that person that everyone hates because I could come to class, say "There's a test today?", and make an A, pretty much regardless of the subject or test matter. Which was fine until middle school, at which point I became cognizant enough to start questioning doctrines I had always come to accept as unbending as the law of gravity. Why put effort into my work? so I can go to college? and then get a job? and then have kids? then die?
What's the point of it all?
At the time, I had no way to answer this, nor did I know anyone who really did. Y'see, despite having ability, I'd always lacked one thing: happiness. At first, I wasn't even aware it was gone. But I simply could not understand the appeal to "settling down". Slowly, I became less and less happy. As my happiness faded, my sense of loneliness grew. I felt increasingly isolated from my family, and those whom I thought friends did almost everything in their power to exclude me. Then unhappiness turned into a sort-of apathetic depression. It's not that I cared very little for those around me or was unmotivated to do schoolwork, it's that I simply and utterly did not care.
I didn't know what love felt like, nor what it felt like to miss someone, nor what it felt like to feel solidarity with anyone.
I thought of suicide every day for years. And the thought that I had every reason to be happy, only served to make it more unbearable. It peaked in 12th grade and culminated with me holding a knife to my wrist.
I'll never forget that feeling:
I felt like I was standing on a precipice staring into an empty, apathetic, crushing, black void. I didn't even care enough to cry...
So what stopped me? I was afraid. This surprised even me, because I'm too proud to be a coward, which is ironic isn't it? Suicide is sometimes called "the coward's way out" but it actually takes a great deal of grief to override our sense of self-preservation. In the subsequent weeks that followed this event, I actually came to be Christian, so I think the thing I feared that day was not Death, but God.
When poised with a question of life or death, I never have been good with what to say. I have always gone through life, and school, by taking the easy route out. We would have assignments to complete that I would scramble to finish in the morning. It never hurts to be naturally smart.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I can remember only one time when I truly produced my best work. We had to write a profile assignment – like one of those crazy biographies seen in the New Yorker – for AP English, and I wrote about the person who had the biggest influence on my life outside of my family. The motivation for this assignment came from within me. This was the one assignment I did not care what grade I got. I had always written to please the teacher and never to make myself happy with the words I put down. It was always more important to get an A than to write something worth reading. It was the last assignment I did in high school, so I figured I’d go out with a bang.
I got the paper back three weeks later. I had not made a single revision before I turned it in. I had a habit of changing the way I felt or changing my real beliefs when I took that red pen to the paper. I just wrote. I turned it in. the only thing on the top of the paper when I got it back was the phrase “come see me.” So I went and saw my teacher and sat through the usual spiel about how this needed work and how it needed to be revised because if she were to grade it as an AP English paper I would receive a 50, at best. I just told her that she could give me that grade because it wouldn’t really affect anyone. She ended up settling with me and giving me an 80%. I don’t know why or how, but I think she saw that, outside of all the errors grammatically, it was one of the most genuine papers she had ever graded. There was no reason for me to edit the paper. I was happy with what I had written. I knew my grade in that class didn’t matter very much because I was going to college. However, knowing that I had stood up to a teacher, and written what I had, made me happy.
Being pushed to do something has never worked with me. I’m stubborn and if I don’t get my way it makes me upset. So, the only way I will do something is if I set my mind to do it for my own gain. Being pushed to do something can make any person do miraculous things. I am just happy to be able to express myself in a class where my grades don’t suffer as a result.
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ReplyDeleteWhy does it take a story like Susan’s for us to take a step back and reflect on our own lives? A story like hers to be pushed? I have been putting off this “blogging” thing for a while, just didn’t feel ready to respond to this one yet, now I know why. 5 days ago a good family friend-Alex-age twenty- junior in college, was studying abroad in London. He was just like any of us, young- ambitious- just wanted to study for a semester in London for a change. The last time his parents talked to him, he was starting to get an annoying cold. Next thing they know, they got a call that he was dead. He died from meningitis in a matter of four hours. He died, he actually died. I’m sorry it’s just still sinking in with me that this high school friend I saw every day is now gone. His parents didn’t even get to say goodbye. His parents had not even seen him in three months. He’s just gone, and we are supposed to move on with our lives. We are supposed to keep living our far less than mediocre lives getting by with the bare minimum requirements each day brings.
ReplyDeleteNo. That’s not how it should be. We should be pushing ourselves every day to be better people and live better lives because everyday we are blessed with time, we are blessed with the twenty four hours that that day brings. Yet, we will always fall back into our sub par lifestyles unless we are pushed. Pushed by something greater. For me, it’s God. It’s God that pushes me to want to live a better life than just the average joe. He pushes me to want to change the world for the glory of His name. Everyone must find something to be pushed by; everyone must find something to live for. We have to be pushed, even when it hurts. We have to know that we are blessed to be pushed. I am not a writer by any means but have probably shared more with you guys than I have with most of my friends-its not easy. I am pushing because I know that there is more to life than mediocrity. I am pushing in the little things, because as Mother Theresa once said, it is in the little things that our strength lies. So we all must start somewhere, why not start with our writing? I am pushing because I know that writing is so much more than periods and sentence syntax: writing is art, it’s personality, it’s emotion. Even though you might have to push your own boundaries and emotions to truly write, its worth it-why? Because we are blessed to even have the opportunity to push ourselves. Every day is a gift. We all must push.
That's what Alex would do, that's what he would have done if he knew he was going to die at age twenty without one goodbye.
*in memory of Alex Reinis*
Everyday should be a push for people because if you're not pushing with all you've got then you are not really living. From what was described above, Susan really lived life (emphasis on the lived). If everyone could wrtie beautifully then there would be no need to push, but isn't that what makes writing so compelling?
ReplyDeleteA dear friend of mine from high school, Dylan, died this past summer in a motorcycle crash. Crusing along US-1 one day bright eyed Dylan was 'pushing'. He lived life without warrants, doing what he pleased. Abandoned by his Mom at a young age, he lived with his bachelor of a Dad growing up. He had the best house parties, along with a solid group of friends who had his back for all the tea in China. He smiled. A lot. He joked with everyone and seemed to be genuinely happy with life.
Upon hearing the news that Dylan had died in a motorcycle accident I was devasted. We were not best friends, but sure we hung out in the same friend group. He was so young, and I felt like he hadn't really gotten a chance to live his whole live.
However, after a couple months of reflecting I realize that Dylan really did live his life. You can be alive for an eternity and never really live, but at a young age of nineteen you have had opportunities to live life. And Dylan did. And for me that is encouragement to push through my life. Try when I don't feel like it, do things just because, laugh until I cry, cry until there's nothing left. Emotions are God's gift, and it's how we treat them that pushes us off the ground.
Writing papers can be boring and painful but when you pour emotions into them (much like these blogs) you realize how beautiful writing truly is. How much it makes you think, and the places it take you might be just the "push" your day needed.
Putty: Your post really puts things into perspective. We complain about little things like writing papers, going to class, going to the doctor, having to see in-laws, walking, and just other stupid things. Things that do not matter. Around us are people going through divorce, dying of AIDs, who do not have drinkable water, who do not have homes, and so many other tragic circumstances. Yes, we need to push. They need the push even more. If we cannot even push on with the little things, like putting emotion into writing, how can we ever push on with bigger things...like life?
ReplyDeleteThis is a very heart touching blog!
ReplyDeleteHearing about Susan has influenced me to really push hard. People like her seem to change your perspective of things in so many different ways. Imagine how much better of a place the world would be if every single one of us had the same mentality as Susan did. No one is perfect bud everyone is still given the ability to give it your best. You can always strive to improve yourself. If you are passionate about something then make it your goal to be the best you can be.
Life is short and we should live it to the fullest. I lost my best friend in a vehicle accident and it honestly opened my eyes. We were just in high school and made me realize how short your life really can be.
One wise thing my dad once told me was “if you are able to lay your head down every night and can think of one rewarding thing you did that day then you will be a successful man.”
Sad... because everything Dr. P mentioned above strikes me to the core, yet I can't move myself to meet the ends. Although English isn't my major, writing has become something I sincerely enjoy. The way that words flow through the tips of my fingers onto a piece of paper (nowadays, the computer) makes me realize how I can express myself, or the lack of the ability to express myself.
ReplyDeleteIt's kind of like life. As a child, everything is simple and enjoyable because you are oblivious to the surrounding complexities. And then, as you get older, you run into problems, some of which are impossible to solve, and grow discouraged as you develop the natural tendency of "flight".
At least that's the case for me. I see the potential. I want to reach it, but frequently find reasons not to get there. Whether it's a matter of being lazy, cocky, or apathetic, they're all dumb excuses to cover up the hidden truth. The fact that I am scared to give it my best and it not be enough. It's definitely one of my worst fears, and sometimes I envy those who are terminally ill because they acquire the feeling of 'nothing to lose'. Figuratively speaking for illustrative purposes, of course, but in that sense, I feel I will be able to give The Push without a second of hesitation. But I guess that's just life.
I feel as if sometimes I don’t get anything accomplished in my writing. Thoughts literally run in one ear and out the other. Personality? I have none. I feel like I am just a blob of nothing trying to attempt to put my thoughts onto paper. Throughout high school I learned to hate the fact of having to write a paper. It wasn’t fun. It has never been fun. Until now. This blogging thing came in. I can actually see what writing can be. Even though no one else will read my papers half the time I still get scared to express my feelings and to say what I really mean. Stupid right? Writing papers has always been a struggle for me because I suck at grammar and I feel that that’s the only thing that teachers usually care about. So what if you miss a comma here and there who cares about it if your writing is good. This is the only class that I feel like I can express myself in and not get in trouble for it. Its awesome.
ReplyDeleteThis story really touched me. I do not personally know anyone with cancer or anything to that extent but sensitive stories like that really influence me and make me want to be a better person. I can only imagine how hard it would be knowing that you were about to die. Having to push hard for everything you do knowing that it could be your last would be the hardest thing ever. I hope that I never have to be put in a situation like that. I need someone to push me. My self motivation level is slowly decreasing and it does not need too.
Blogging has really pushed me to try harder to think and to put more personality into my writing. I can stay focused on this way better than I ever would a 12 page paper. Thank you so much Dr. P for letting us express how we feel through blogging instead of some stupid long paper that I would just repeat myself a hundred times in. You are awesome!!
My high school was a fucking joke. Let me emphasize "my." I didn't study for a damn thing. 3.95 GPA. It may seem impressive, but it is not due to the horrendous teaching and lack of important AP classes my school seemed to steer clear of. I was quite conceited and viewed my intelligence way above about 95 percent of my class/school/community. I had no drive at all. I just did bare minimum. It meant nothing to be, this small-fucking-meth-"driven" town. I did not care one bit. I figured my college life would like the movies: pure fun; escape.
ReplyDeleteFuck was I wrong.
You know in Scooby Doo and shows like that when the characters encounter something frightening and attempt to run away? Well, they try to "push" themselves as hard as they can to run away as fast as they can and end up running in place.
This is me.
I am "flipping" (Alabama and the south has grown on me) a heavy switch, and it is not working. I am stuck. I attempt to be punctual and try my best, but failure always ensues. I try to blame my high school, which I do believe has screwed me, but it's not enough. It does not help my grades. I feel like a understand Calculus, but do horrible.
I have resorted to everyone's favorite "study buddy," simple little pills, and it still doesn't help. It gives me a push, but I continue to stay in place.
My apathy should not be taken the wrong way. I really enjoy learning and discovering and all that fun stuff from strenuous courses. But, Christ, it doesn't matter. Grades are what matter apparently. My attempts are futile. I try to drive and push, but I stay stationary, continuously peddling toward something dangled out in front of my face.
I like adding songs I feel correlate to the prompt
Cake- The Distance
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__PU5CVSegg
Writing always use to be a pain, a burden, just another unwanted assignment that I would dread and put off until the last minute. Through high school papers were always just a collection of information and no personality about the writer or what they were writing about. However, in this class and especially in these blogs, it has just been a fun way to express our self and our thoughts without having to worry about being criticized about having a different idea or opinion. That we don't have to worry about being judged and graded for having a bit of fire and passion in our writing, that we can express our self without having to mask our true identities. That we can spread our wings and let our imagination and beliefs fly use to new places that will leave our readers breathless and asking for more. Writing was always bore to me, but since having Dr. P has a professor, she has shown me the true joys in writing for what you just believe in, the fun in expressing your self, the true joy of having to write with no chains and rules holding you down and allowing your ideas to fly freely. As the pen creates words, and the words create sentences, the sentences creates new worlds and ideas.
ReplyDeleteI never particularly liked writing. I made pretty good grades on all of my papers throughout high school and I never felt like I really got anything out of it. I felt like there were a million rules and I just focused on following them to a T. Sure, that got me the grade, but it didn't take me anywhere past that. It seems like this year, I've been able to get past that. This class has really brought me along in actually enjoying using the pen (or keys) and I believe it all goes back to that push. Until this year, I've never attempted it, and while I'm sure there are more like Susan who have given it all, I still feel like what I've done has really improved my writing, and more importantly, my enjoyment of writing. I think anyone can write with emotion and personality if they really make an effort to push and let go of the strict rules which often make it difficult. Some just have a harder time letting go and often need a jolt to do so. For me, that jolt was this class and it has really changed my overall view of writing.
ReplyDeleteI’ve never enjoyed being pushed. I love the feeling of safety that comes with remaining inside my own little bubble. And this applies to everything I do- school, friends, anything. I play it safe. I have always been the kind that would follow the guidelines perfectly if it meant getting a higher grade. As skittles said, being pushed to do something has just never worked on me. Some people thrive on new, adventurous experiences and love the rush of trying something they have never done before or experimenting with new techniques of writing or studying. I envy those people.
ReplyDeleteI must admit, the idea of opting out of the blogs and writing some ridiculously long research paper didn’t sound too bad to me at first. It was comfortable; I had written a million and one research papers throughout my high school career and felt prepared to take that on. Expressing my feelings to a class full of strangers? No so much. However, the longer I thought about this, the more I realized this would be exactly the push I needed in my life. This blogging project would not only push me in regards to my writing style, but it would also work to break down my emotional wall.
As I have read the posts of other students, I feel like I have genuinely had the privilege of seeing them in their truest form. Even if I only know them by their pseudonyms, I have grown to respect and admire every single person in this class more than ever before. It doesn’t have to take a life-altering experience to push someone totally out of their comfort zone. For me, it took something as simple as an assignment to blog for this English class to help me grow leaps and bounds in my writing and in other aspects of my life.
We all have crosses to bear, crosses that we cannot get around and that make us who we are. These crosses can either bring us down, causing us to give up, or they can give us a drive; they can inspire us to push forward and achieve our goals. In dealing with our struggles, rolling over is always the easy thing to do, to just sit in the corner and let the tears stream down our faces.
ReplyDeleteOr we can push through it.
We can move through our struggle and work towards something better; we can do it to prove ourselves against our struggle, or to make our struggle better. To me, having a struggle inspires me to push harder. I pray harder, work through my day more, and look toward that light at the end of the tunnel.
It's worth it to push through everything that we are given, because when we don't, what do we have to work for?
We are all blessed with so much. We have the blessing of life; that's certainly a start; and as Dr. PD said, we have the gift of time. Why do we insist on taking these gifts for granted?
We can take advantage of this time we are given, or we can look back and wonder what we did with that time. We can discover ourselves and all that we have by using our talents; by being an athlete, by creating art, or by writing. Writing, for me, is an opportunity to create something we can call our own. Looking back on our writing and saying 'I created that,' and feeling proud of it…I love being proud of doing something great.
We should push through the experiences we are given, whether they be struggles or triumphs. Allow our blessings to inspire us as well, and remember them to help us carry the cross we are given to bear.
"For you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James 1:3